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Irrelevance: When before the world felt like it spun at your command, that events were in themselves geared towards making you feel needed and necessary, replaced with a foreboding, a feeling that the world has moved on, leaving you behind…
The feeling is cold and dark and all-encompassing, and it has ways of spreading and making things that were a source of comfort and belonging appear like traps, just patches of soft ground that needed lots of careful treading. Like quicksand actually, the more you fight, the more stuck you become…
Then you have to wake up in the morning and find a reason to go out into the world, dodge all the bullets that everyone is shooting at you… Or in your way. You have to see that in the midst of everything, that there is a path that you can walk along. it’s not an easy path, by no means will it be apparent where you are going half the time. You just have to follow it. you have to find something, hope that at the end of the path there is a niche carved out that you will fit in and you will find your sense of belonging. There is no clearly visible and well-lit point in carrying on when you don’t know where you are really going, but you just have to.
Hoping for a sudden sense of relevance to emerge like a burst of sunshine from behind a cloud feels silly, like waiting for a massive tank to fill from the drip-drip of a tap, but haba na haba hujaza kibaba…
The world still turns. It will rotate again and again, till the darkness you are in is broken by a dawn of belonging…

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