This was way back in 2007. I was going through something. Strange, quite a lot of it is still true now…
Growing up was hard. Having no father and all. No man figure to look up to. And becoming a man-figure for my family. That was hard. But still it says quite a lot for who I am now and what I’m becoming. See, I’m a bag of nerves. I can’t really say that I know what and who I am. I didn’t really have the guidance of a father to direct me and show me what to do, what was happening to me (puberty was hell), explain stuff to me and when necessary become an example.
And so I turned out the way I am. Confused. With responsibilities I have no idea how to handle.
What’s worse is there’s loads of people like me out there. With one parent. For some reason. There’s the extreme. The dead spouse. Then there’s your occasional baby mama who got pregnant at age 16 after giving herself up for a song. It’s the baby mamas I’m against. Do you realize just how much damage you’re inflicting on poor Junior who has no idea who their father is? I mean, just look at how many kids there are now with no fathers. Girls grow up thinking all men are nasty and evil and after them for their looks/brains. Usually looks. And the chances of a good lay so that they’ll end up like their mamas.
And guys grow up without the fatherly influence they need. Or they might get it from mama’s occasional boyfriend. That’s how you get perverts. Guys without fathers to guide them at their own inner development. Then they grow up hating women coz their mothers were all intrusive and as a result they think that all women are out to control them.
Most single parents are happy with whatever they’ve done when they see their kids smiling happily and flooding them with “I love you”s. But they have no idea what their kids are feeling inside. Anger, confusion, wondering what the heck you’re supposed to make of your life coz it just doesn’t make sense on its own. Therein lies the answer to this whole problem. There’s just too many people with no idea what’s going on, but as a result of the delusion that has become all too common they believe that whatever they’re holding in their heads is the truth. Absolute and pure. While in fact it couldn’t be further from the truth.
Here’s my advice to the single parent. If you’re reading this, that is. First off, don’t regret having your child. That takes guts. There’s millions who, faced with those very same circumstances, cut and run when they saw it was too hard to go on.
Secondly, talk to your kid(s). Don’t leave them out in the dark. But wait till they start asking questions. Like why there’s no daddy or mommy. If they genuinely want to know. So don’t think that keeping the truth from them helps. And don’t bend the truth a bit when it seems a tad inconveniencing. Put it in a way that they can understand, like instead of “irreconcilable differences” (an all time favourite that leaves kids going …eh?), say you didn’t agree on things. And embellish it a little. Give them something to look forward to when they’re your age. Coz forcing it on them that people just leave each other and become absolute wrecks as a result won’t exactly leave them happy and healthy emotionally.
Third, teach by example. Move on. Don’t really worry about why the kids are asking about the absentee parent, instead show them that it’s something that can be avoided, and that you really did try your best but it didn’t work. Failure is real. Even to kids. Teach them to empathise.
My advice to the single parent kids everywhere is that whatever happened is not your fault. Live your life for whatever will happen, not whatever happened. Don’t let it define you. And whatever happens, don’t make decisions that will affect you adversely, like becoming a lesbian or not ever having kids because of what happened. These are decisions you make in fits of passion, maybe anger. Think them through first.