Somewhere along the way, it started to make sense, the realization that my opinions were not my own, but a weird pastiche of other people’s thoughts and my half-formed opinions about them. Take this for example. After watching Zeitgeist, I was convinced that there was no God, only vague collections of oral tales that soon became Christianity after passing through Zoroastrianism, Ancient Greek and Roman religions and then Judaism. So I felt nothing, but I still went to church, where I felt this gnawing guilt, like my conscience telling me I was so horribly wrong, it was laugh-out-loud funny… Yeah, I still have one of those, a working conscience. So in no time, I was back to God and church, but still smiling inwardly at the thought that he wants my money.
And I realized, part of religion is guilt. The horrible feeling that you get when you do wrong, the denial of what the body wants because someone said the body just want to do wrong, the fact that most people have no idea why the church has so many layers to it, and yet God is still looking at me and you and seeing our every action, and why, for the love of all things sacred, exercising choice is wrong. I choose because I have choice, plain and simple. But it’s rarely that simple. Like I have to consider what my actions do to those around me. I can’t, for example, drink and drive, much as the law says I’m free to buy alcohol and move a motor vehicle all I want. Some things just don’t mix. So there’s an element of self control that is often sorely lacking.
Self control. Knowing when to say no. That’s something very few people can pull off. They form that thin line between yes-men and hard-asses.
I’m a bit of both… Like I say yes to no 🙂
Now for a lolcat.
It’s Schrodinger. Fake it till you get it.